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My grandmother passed away Saturday night. I got the news shortly after midnight.

It hasn't quite sunk in yet. At least, I don't feel any different than I did yesterday. I don't feel pain, grief, a sense of loss. I reacted to the news as if it were simply another update on her condition. Maybe I have become inured to this. It's been a long time in coming. She was in horrible physical shape when I last saw her in January, and I do feel like she was gone then. Unlike with my other grandmother, I strongly suspected I would not see her again, she was so deteriorated. And she's been in the hospital for several weeks, battling one infection or another. She was a very strong woman, but it was just a matter of time, a question of when, not if.

Every time my phone has rung in the past several weeks, my first thought

-- Okay, I guess it just sank in. I had to stop typing to cry. --

sorry...my first thought was that it was someone calling to tell me she had passed away. So, I've been expecting this call for weeks.

The important thing for me to remember is that she's in a better place now. She is no longer suffering constant pain, and she can be reunited with her sister in God's kingdom. I'm going to miss her tremendously. But she just turned 94 a week ago; she lived a long and fruitful life, and I got to spend much quality time with her. It was time for her to move on, and I can be grateful that she has been such an important part of my life.

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
pinkfish
Jun. 6th, 2004 03:58 am (UTC)
Please accept my condolences.
danger_chick
Jun. 6th, 2004 05:00 am (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear about your loss.
slinkr
Jun. 6th, 2004 05:30 am (UTC)
Derek, I'm sorry for your loss.
sonata960
Jun. 6th, 2004 06:24 am (UTC)
My condolences on your loss. *hugs*
fj
Jun. 6th, 2004 07:12 am (UTC)
:(
grioghair
Jun. 6th, 2004 09:09 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry to hear about your grandmother, Derek. I've passed through this experience myself about seven years back. It does get better and easier with time.
magid
Jun. 7th, 2004 04:30 am (UTC)
Condolences.
am0
Jun. 10th, 2004 07:38 pm (UTC)
Thanks to Cathy, I spoke to Delia just a few minutes after the fact, when she had reached a state in which she wanted to talk instead of just cry. I hope it made Delia feel better for me to listen to her unwind. She said, repeatedly, "I feel her listening to us" and "She is going to the light now" during the few minutes we spoke.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )