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Going through assorted things in preparation for Monday's move, I found a piece of paper I've been saving for a few years. It's amusing, but I can't justify keeping it. So I'm going to transcribe it here and recycle the paper.



Common "emergencies" that come to the hospital
(E.R. taken down exactly as patient described ailment)

jabbing pains around navel
worryation down my back
pains in my Jasma
nervous spasms
tongue hanging out
nervous throat
haven't passed water for three weeks (not a drop)
has the squirts
womb fell out
passing glogs
wants tubes blew out
busted heart [I think I can claim this one!]
sprung my arm
nostrilitis and fat eyes
swain ankle
stomach coming up for three days
infection on head—has fits occasionally
every time I breathe, something crumbles
arteries done broke in both legs
misplaced oral thermometer in bladder
passing brown clots with white specks
maggots in legs
patient states "I void urine"
my privates have dropped
three toes infected for 20 years
swollen feets and running water
mouth-to-mouth perspiration
having birth pains
I pass my liver every month with my period
mouth twisted
there's something crazy going on in my head because they've taken X-rays there twice
got the Lord have Mercy in my legs
virginal infection
poison ivory
have the Spinal Mighty Jesus (also smiling mighty Jesus)
coughing up Flame
bitten on the lip by an unknown person
bit by dog—Hasn't had radium shot yet
dry headaches
spine came through top of head
misplaced arm
liver quivering
hog bites on hands and legs
virus with fever so high patient can smell it
dizzy feeling in rectum
over-grossed liver
bad toe presses and makes my head hurt
menopause problem (age 12)
the pain goes down the grind to my orr
pain behind the testament
I have a fetal impaction
got gouch in my big toe
bitten by vampire
I have a spider in my vagina
I have a bird in my bowels

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
kalliejenn2
Mar. 18th, 2006 04:10 am (UTC)
i personally like "pains in my Jasma" best
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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