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As I was showering this morning, I started thinking about marriages and civil unions and started to plan a journal entry on that subject, mostly in response to $hrub's comments from last week. Instead I'll post on a related subject, but from a happy perspective.

I just had lunch with Keya. She just got back from a trip to eastern Europe, where she visited Warsaw, Krakow, Prague, Auschwitz, Budapest, St. Petersburg, and Helsinki. She was very eager to go to lunch with me today, which I couldn't understand, because we're going to be at the softball barbecue later tonight. So I dragged my feet.

When she finally got me alone, she said, "This is why I wanted to have lunch with you alone," and she held up her left hand to reveal a small diamond in a white gold setting.

I half expected to find out that she and Dan had had a big fight while on vacation and had broken up. Instead I learned that they got engaged! I am shocked!

Apparently Dan got Mr. Sau's consent before he and Keya left for Europe. Then in Prague, Dan popped the question. In the middle of a huge banquet in front of 250 other people, Dan interrupted the entertainment and asked to borrow the microphone, and then proposed. According to Keya, he was trembling as he asked, and she was shaking and in tears as she said yes.

The next day they shopped for a ring in Prague. Keya says she is happy they did it this way, because she has never been thrilled with the selection of rings in the United States. Prague apparently has a very nice diamond district...and I must say, it is a lovely ring, delicate, nicely tapered ring with a crown setting just right for the diamond, which is big enough that it's not small and small enough that it's not gaudy.

I'll give her this: she does have good taste, whether it be clothing, or jewelry, or men. ;)

They haven't set a date yet. The ceremony will be a traditional Hindu ceremony in Maryland, since Dan has no religious affiliation and Keya's parents would freak if Keya insisted on a Catholic ceremony. (They may do a small Catholic ceremony in Boston as well.) Dan and Keya would like to get married on the 28th of some month, since they started dating on June 28th a year ago and he proposed on July 28th, but Hindu weddings are supposed to take place on auspicious Hindu dates, so they have to hope there is an auspicious Hindu date on the 28th of some month.

bitty has already called me to find out if I'm okay, having just heard the news via e-mail. Of course I'm happy for them. Yes, it does feel kind of weird, since Dan has been a good friend of mine for the last 5 years and Keya is my ex-girlfriend of 2+ years. But I am thrilled. I felt a bit guilty when I broke up with Keya because she was 31 at the time, and I thought at the time she was hoping I might be the one, and it gets increasingly difficult after 30 to find a decent guy. But Dan is a great guy, so I'm happy. I've already kidded her that I have to be the best man. After all, if we hadn't dated, she never would have met Dan, and if we hadn't broken up Dan never would have had a shot.

They're having a party on Friday after work to celebrate. I'll have to cancel whatever plans I have to be there.

Wow! Who'da thunk?!


( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 5th, 2003 07:02 pm (UTC)
There is something that I have always wondered about proposals done in this sort of high-handed romantic style (e.g., the proposal last week on QEftSG). If you propose in a setting like this (on television, before 250 assembled people), doesn't it put a lot of pressure on her to say, "yes"? And if she says, "no," or even if she says, "I can't say now - let me sleep on it," it will be terribly embarassing for the fellow.

This strikes me as manipulating someone into making an important decision, which is usually a Bad Thing To Do. Am I wrong?

Aug. 5th, 2003 07:06 pm (UTC)
Well, I'll let you in on a little secret. He asked her first the night before in their bedroom...a little test run, if you will. I think he'd agree with you and didn't want her to feel pressured, but he still wanted the big romantic gesture. She says that it didn't matter that he had already asked and she had already said yes, she was still just as nervous and suprised and giddy. :)
Aug. 5th, 2003 07:27 pm (UTC)
This is what I always figured must be the case - that they actually asked beforehand. In the case of televised proposals, reality-TV style, this means that the couple has to be able to act, so that she can feign surprise, and that he can feign nervousness. But heaven forbid, that the folks on TV actually have to ACT!!

I agree it is a romantic gesture, and I love it for that. I just can't help but evaluate romantic gestures for their real-world impact (so many romantic songs sound like stalker anthems, if you read them another way. E.g., "I drove all night/Crept in your room/woke you from your sleep/To make love to you" How creepy is that? Okay then, imagine Celine Dion doing that to you. Creepy now?). I guess I am just a pragmatic/romantic :)

Aug. 5th, 2003 07:55 pm (UTC)
Imagining Celine Dion makes it far creepier than I want to imagine!
Aug. 5th, 2003 07:07 pm (UTC)
I figure the percentage of people in the audience who speak English is low, right? And I mean, they're all strangers, right?

(man, i still agree with you, don't get me wrong.)
Aug. 5th, 2003 07:13 pm (UTC)
They were about half Italian and the rest a mix of Indian, American, and Americanized Indian.
Aug. 5th, 2003 07:22 pm (UTC)
okay, so only *half* the audience would have understood english ;)
Aug. 5th, 2003 08:29 pm (UTC)
At Fenway park in front of 34,000 people in a game with a few million watchers they sometimes have a marriage proposal with the people on the pictotron and the question displayed. And at some point the fans burst out in applause. I'd assume people don't do this if they don't know the answer.
Aug. 5th, 2003 08:45 pm (UTC)
I am of the theory that most proposals are not completely a surprise. I assume that only in romance novels does one person ask another person to marry them without any previous discussion of marriage. I know in my own relationship, M and I have always talked about marriage (nothing specific), so a proposal eventually would not be a complete shock. If it happened tomorrow, I would be shocked. If it happened in a year, less so. I also think that many people know whether they want to marry their current partner or not. The most specific thing I have said to M is that if he asked me tomorrow, I would have to say to him "maybe, but ask me again in a year." After all, it's still early days.

With that said, M and I are hosting a friend for the weekend. Several months ago her bf asked her to marry him and she said no. No one knows why she said no. I am hoping that we just get her drunk and grill her over the weekend. From what M has told me about their relationship, the guy might have overstepped her relationship boundaries by asking her to marry him. Despite being and living together for a few years now, M says she plays her relationships "loose and fast."

I saw the episode that you were talking about and it did look like that she was going to say no. I was shocked when she said yes.
Aug. 5th, 2003 07:18 pm (UTC)
What a romantic story! I was wondering, as Bitty was, if you were OK with Keya's engagement, and I am glad to hear that you are. It takes a big person to rejoice when an ex love marries a friend. Nance1
Aug. 5th, 2003 09:09 pm (UTC)
Keya is a wonderful person and I hope she will be happy with Dan. It sounds as if they are starting off right and with no illusions about life, love and marriage. Unfulfilled expectations are what sour most relationships. These two seem to have their act together. Too bad you missed the boat when you had the chance.
Aug. 5th, 2003 09:22 pm (UTC)
Too bad? I don't think so. Keya is a wonderful person, but neither one of us would have been happy in the long run. If anything, I stayed on the boat too long.
( 12 comments — Leave a comment )

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