Panama (spwebdesign) wrote,

Yes, officer, your dick is longer than mine. Can I go now?

As I approached the stop sign catercorner to the police station this morning, I noticed 4 or 5 Medford squad cars, all with their blue lights going, stopped at the intersection. An officer at the intersection waved frantically for me to stop. Of course I was stopping! There's a stop sign there! Even I am not stupid enough to run a stop sign in front of 4-5 squad cars and cattycorner from a police station! The officer continued gesticulating even after I stopped. Sheesh! As I so often do, I voiced my thoughts, "Of course, I'm going to stop," and, pointing to the stop sign, "there's a stop sign!" After a moment he waved me through, and as I turned I said to myself something along the lines of, "Sheesh, relax, as if I'm going to run a stop sign surrounded by cops!"

As I completed my turn, I saw in the rearview mirror two officers jump into their squad cars to begin pursuit. I had a block to go before reaching the Store 24, my destination, so I wasn't going to stop short of there. As I climbed out of my car, the first squad car arrived.

"What's the matter?" I asked him.

"The officer back there says you called him an asshole."

Okay.... Hmm, let me think. I'm at an intersection surrounded by gun-toting cops on a call, and I'm going to further aggravate them by calling one of them an asshole? That's almost as dumb as running through the stop sign without stopping! I explained that to the two officers who showed up, laughing the whole time because of the ridiculousness of the whole situation. I threw in, for good measure, that the only time I've ever called a cop an asshole is when I was dispatching at Hadley and one of the officers and I had it out (asshole was amongst the milder epithets bandied about), but that later we shook hands and made up. Still, they insisted on detaining me there while they ran my plate and my license. I asked if I could at least duck into the store to by my beverage while they were waiting for the results of their query, but no dice. Apparently, the offended officer radioed in that "He knows what he said." Well, I don't know the exact words, since it was a throw away phrase, but I know that it didn't include the word "asshole" or any other offensive gesture. "Well, it's your word against his." Yeah, big deal!

And, you know, if I had called him an asshole, I would have owned up to it, because I know very well there's nothing they could have done beyond what they were already doing. It's not against the law to call a police officer an asshole! Not yet, anyway.

I'm tempted to write a letter to the police department. Not because I'm upset or anything, but because I'm amused by the whole situation. What a wonderful waste of taxpayer money, chasing somebody down and harrassing him because a certain officer thinks he was called a bad name and has to prove that his balls are bigger. I wish I had gotten the officer's name, so that I could poke fun at him in the letter for being such a blowhard. It would be a humorous letter, of course, intended to illicit laughter and point out how ridiculous this was. Oh well, missed opportunity.
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